Here I'm sitting now, it's 09:13 am, Monday morning, June 26th 2023, and in 7 minutes the boarding for my flight from Zurich to Mumbai will start. I don't know when I will return to Switzerland, I am holding a one-way ticket in my hands. I am sitting in the middle of an Indian family in the departure area of the terminal and somehow feel safe, although the Indian mum is looking at me quite skeptically. I am writing this article and want to reflect on my feelings that I have experienced during the last 24 hours. I find that often we deal too little consciously with our feelings and this moment in my life is an excellent opportunity to do this as an example. There is enough to write about it - believe me, it’s enormous what you can feel in 24 hours.
Love
Exactly 24 hours ago, my feelings, if I had to describe them in colors, were bright orange, pulsating red and sunny golden yellow. Warm colors have enveloped me into honey yellow light, I was caressed by sun rays like a sunflower. I felt I was very loved. I was wrapped in the arms of my loved one, his wonderful smell, his kisses and our lingering in a golden ball of light made me happy deep inside. Love whispers to you that you are in the right place, that you are connected, that you can surrender to the wave of happiness, because this moment is simply perfect.
Everything feels right
You flow with the golden energy and feel: "Oh, how much I am loved and how much I feel love in me." It is a beautiful feeling to be able to immerse yourself into this highest and most beautiful of all feelings and to bathe in it like in warm water. It is the most beautiful gift in life that I know.
Love has also been in every hug I have received in these special 24 hours of my life from people who have said goodbye to me. I love to be embraced by people and to feel the physical manifestation of love. I enjoyed each of the 9 hugs given to me to the fullest and felt the love of these people for me in their arms.
Sadness
Farewells make the preciousness of life clear to you. Tears show you the value of what you are crying about, and also the depth of the loss, because it hurts so much. The feeling of being alone is spreading, the severity of the loss weighs on my shoulders and the colors around me start swirling in crippling black and dense, dark, opaque blue. Clouds start sliding in front of the sun and I bend on my chair, at home, alone, and feel the emptiness and sadness without crying. The farewell of my loved one, without whom I will now continue my life path at the other end of the world. How it hurts.
The farewell of my neighbor, who not only lives next to me, but enriches my life with plates full of cakes on my doorstep and beautiful flowers in the mailbox and cheerful voice messages with invitations for dinner. When I return back to Switzerland, she will no longer live here and the meals together with her family will no longer take place. Oh, how this farewell hurts. Changes can make you sad, they can make you aware of how good your life is and how much you are about to lose when you reshuffle the cards of your life. Gulp.
Fear
This uncertainty. This incredibly great uncertainty. And this ambiguity, like a jump into cold water. Liquid, exploding shreds of color swirl around me in all shades, dark colors predominate, and repeatedly painfully hit my cheeks like shrapnels. I also feel the fear physically, it’s wrapping itself around my heart like an iron band. The nasty question that mercilessly haunts me the day before my departure: "What the hell were you thinking about the whole thing? What the hell, please, did you think? Taking 12 months an unpaid Sabbatical and flying to India?"
The inner critics shows up
My inner critics rears up and continues to torment me: "Why are you flying to India - why India? And then all alone? You have no plan what to expect there! You totally underestimate the challenges of this country! You hand over your apartment into someone else's hands and when you return, you won't be able to feel comfortable here again."
When packing my travel backpack, anxious worries are haunting me. I am constantly tormented by the question of whether I have made the right selection of objects and clothes, whether I have forgotten something important, whether I have packed the right things. When packing, I realize that I'm gearing up for an adventure that I don't even know. I realize that I leave all familiar people behind, leave my beautiful surroundings behind, leave my routine behind that gave me stability ... I just leave EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind and set off into the unknown... a few brain cells from the Stone Age in my head are shouting at me that this was a highly shitty idea and that I may never come back alive from this journey without protection and social affiliation! Well, fear doesn't always have something to do with reality... but unfortunately that doesn't make it any less scary.
Gratitudet
In exuberant abundance, however, above all I have felt one thing in the last 24 hours to the present second: gratitude. Gratitude is like a pink scent that permeates everything with its silky scented smell and envelops you in a cloud of lightness and purity. Gratitude feels like a mixture of tears of happiness and amazement at so many good things in life and the certainty that all of this is not self-evident. It is nothing but an exclusive gift from the universe to you.
Do you know jam jar moments?
I like to collect jam jar moments. These are moments that are so beautiful that I don't want to forget them anymore and therefore put them in a transparent imaginary jam jar and preserve them there for eternity. Then I can take them off the shelf at any point in time and look at them again and enjoy their beauty. Within the last 24 hours I have collected a lot of jam jar moments.
I'll give you an example: I'm sitting in the plane on the runway in Zurich and we're waiting for take-off. On the screen at the seat in front of me there are commercials about watches and perfumes. I don't want to look at them, I'm not in the mood and close my eyes. When I am opening my eyes again, the following sentence just flickers across the screen:
«"Every trip is a challenge and a step out of the comfort zone. What the step is worth taking for are the unforgettable moments (Swiss Air)." (Swiss Air).»
My seat neighbor, an Indian man from Mumbai with whom I had previously briefly spoken to and who is informed about my travel motivation, nudges me and says: "This message was for You." Exactly THIS is a jam jar moment. The universe waves in your face and gently shouts at you that it loves you and supports you with all its heart.
What feelings have you experienced in the last 24 hours? Take a minute to look back on your life and think about what situations you have experienced and with which kind of feelings you perceived them. This will train your self-awareness and allow you to get to know and appreciate your emotional richness better. All your feelings are valuable, just like you!
The most frequently asked question in 2023: "Why are you taking a sabbatical?"
Counter question: Why not?
Short warning: the following article was created under the influence of strong emotions, you also could say I was pissed off. Reading is therefore at your own risk!
I'm fed up
I'm sitting on my beloved orange velvet sofa at home in Switzerland with my enormous sinusitis, because I've literally had enough of the uninspiring conversations lately. Can someone please explain to me, why should you NOT take a sabbatical? Why should one decide NOT to scan life for all possibilities that promise freedom and joy of life and NOT implement them, especially considering the fact that our life is finite, which all of us know very well?
I know, I know, I know... I have heard various counter-arguments in epic breadth in recent months... counter-arguments from adults who systematically deprioritize their natural joy of life and make external expectations a benchmark .... who let themselves be seduced by the carrot in front of their nose, instead of doing what makes them experience in depth how great and colorful it is to LIVE and ENJOY and CELEBRATE and be YOURSELF.... "I have obligations", "I am not mobile", "I don’t have enough money", "I don’t have the courage", "I am too old" .... dear all, please remember the following principle: If your thinking is rooted in lack, it is only lack that can arise from it. Where is your thirst for life, where is your ability to dream, where is your childish curiosity about life, where is your creative power as top of evolution?
Why have we all adapted so damn much and forgotten to listen to what we ourselves really want? Why have we stopped asking which individual wishes and dreams have been slumbering in each one of us since childhood being an expression of our uniqueness? Why do we accept the big bulldozer named education, school and social expectations, which rolls over us and ensures that our delicate uniqueness is rolled down by prefabricated templates so that we function like an oiled cog in the capitalist social order? I do not exclude myself, it's really the big drama of our time.
Reactions to tear one’s hair out
How many times have I heard the statements: "Oh, you're taking a sabbatical? I'm jealous of you!" or also "A sabbatical? Wow, that was always my biggest dream!" or this reaction "How lucky you are that you can do something like that! Unfortunately, this is not possible for me!"
Let us now make the effort and take a closer look at the inner attitudes of the individual speakers. We will take the speakers responsible for each one of their words and do not accept that these should have been some phrases that they just said like that. Please hold on, now it's going to be exciting! And painful!
Reaction #1 "Oh, you're taking a sabbatical? I'm jealous of you!"
So, here we are dealing with a person who, according to his/her own information, is jealous. This is, as far as we all know, a pretty unsightly condition. Envy is on the Vitality Tone and Attitude Scale by Stephen J. Cocoony (2019) at the lower end of vitality and life force. The scale says that envious people tend to be a magnet for failure, negativity and emotional imbalance.
Sorry people, but these are the scientific facts. Envious people have a pronounced susceptibility to stress and at the body level this can even be accompanied by tense muscles, tightness in the chest and complete rigidity in the body. A sociological perspective: "Envy is a social phenomenon that arises through comparison to others. The envious person observes his/her environment, evaluates the differences and sees him/herself at a disadvantage. Envy thus refers to a feeling in which the envious person wants to dispose of the goods of another person him/herself or begrudges the other person.”
Doesn't really sound sexy when you consciously think about it. Whenever I heard this reaction that someone is jealous of me, I felt it rumbling in my stomach and that I don't want to delve further into a conversation. Such a statement certainly is not a compliment. This statement is a direct reference to the helplessness and sadness of the person standing in front of me. Ouch. It is more fun to talk to people who consciously shape their lives and therefore love it exactly as they have created it. As a result, they can then sincerely enjoy the happiness of others. This exchange produces a fundamentally different energy and is enriching.
So, let's all be a little more attentive with such statements and self-critically ask ourselves what unfulfilled need is lying behind when we envy others for something. And what we can do to take our need seriously and take care of it, so that in the future we can meet our fellow human beings from an attitude of inner abundance and satisfaction.
Reaction #2 "A Sabbatical? Wow, that was always my biggest dream!"
We are now dealing with a person who stands at the grave of their dreams and drags you to the cemetery without asking for your consent. This person remembers that her/she once had a similar dream, and that he/she declared it dead over the years and then buried it somewhere in the depths of his/her subconscious. The choice of the verb in past tense (it "was" a biggest dream, and not it "is" my biggest dream) also reveals that we are dealing with a tamed bird who has resigned itself to sitting in a cage forever. Even if the cage doors should open up by a happy coincidence, the bird has already forgotten that it has healthy wings and that it could fly away straight into the air here and now. What a tragedy.
Unfortunately, this bird has forgotten who it is. Only sometimes, when other birds land on his cage and chirp cheerful melodies from the big, wide, beautiful world, it remembers what it was like when it still could spread its wings and sail through the air itself. The doors to the cage may be wide open, maybe even other birds help it and open the door from the outside, but the little bird remains sitting sadly in his prison and cries after its dreams without noticing that it would have the opportunity to fly away and realize its dreams every single day! Out of habit, it remains in the cage and inwardly walks to the grave of his dreams, there it lays a few flowers, cries a few tears of self-pity and then remains in resignation, which has already become its best friend. Expressed somewhat theatrically, but this is exactly how it is.
Now take a deep breath.
My final words after this little excursion:
I understand that for many the question arises as to why you can choose to take a sabbatical, and I also think it's good that questions are asked, that discussions take place and that there is interest in the topic! Nevertheless, I am horrified at how unfree we are, that this question arises at all. In Scandinavian countries, a sabbatical is part of the good tone, one could also say that every child already knows the reasons why taking a sabbatical is a great idea. Reduced stress levels and improved mental health, more time for the most important people in your life, enjoyment of private passions, traveling around the world or focus on other heart projects beyond the job ... we all know exactly what makes us happy and what we wish to have more time for... we are all colorful people and SO MUCH MORE than just the roles written in our employment contracts... we are SO MUCH MORE and it is time for us to become aware of this right and responsibility towards ourselves and to shape a life that is in harmony with our individual nature.
Yes to ME
Personally, I have decided to take a sabbatical because I say YES to ME. Because I want to collect powerful memories that nourish me forever. Because I want to broaden my horizon. Because I want to allow my consciousness to mature in a systematic way. Because I am looking forward to the taste of Indian dishes. Because I want to do things for the very first time again. Because I want to surprise myself. Because I look forward to the influence of differently-thinking people. Because I feel like going to a country with sun and palm trees. Because I want to feel the Indian wind in my hair. Because I love adventures. Because this journey will make me grow. Because I'm worth it, that's exactly why I'm taking a Sabbatical.
Let's all solemnly welcome a new family member: my new orange travel backpack!
I admit, a lot has to happen that I am writing an article about a backpack... and damn it, A LOT DID HAPPEN! In the next few months, in a complete foreign country, I will develop a highly emotional relationship with this object, which is so much more than just an object - it is my travel companion, my confidant, my protector of everything that is dear to me. I will touch it at every place of its being, I will know every corner of its body inside and out, absorb and accept its smell, I will become one with its weight on my hips on hot, long hikes and my sweat will flow into its pores and its colors into my skin.
I will cry when my backpack suffers injuries on our adventures and lovingly take care of its healing and make sure that it is always well! After our return to our homeland, we will look at each other in silence, and we will understand each other without words. What we are going to experience together, we will share with each other forever. This connection will last a lifetime.
So, in my ears, this sounds very much like a new family member.
The following is the case: For 28 hours, I now have been critically examining this backpack from the corner of my eyes, which a cheerful Amazon messenger carried up to my apartment yesterday. After I opened the huge parcel, it now stands leaning against my orange sofa in an exposed place and every time I pass by, I look at it suspiciously. I'm trying to find out if I like this travel backpack or not.
Should I tolerate it and choose it for this extraordinarily important mission in my life? Does it have what it takes? Maybe I should send it back to its manufacturer and choose another model, a model with fewer cords and loops and less complicated openings on the top and all these hard-to-close lid loops?
Maybe I will soon be annoyed by its impractical handling and that it is not big enough or on the contrary, that it is not small enough and that I had not noticed this before and that I only will find out about all of this on the other side of the globe and then continue to be annoyed that I was so foolishly blinded by its pretty orange color and its beguiling smile and then I will totally go crazy because I realize that I was completely mistaken about it and it will cause me huge troubles on my trip! That would be the biggest disaster!! I can't believe what an enormous responsibility lies on choosing the right travel backpack!
I've just been taking a deep breath 3 times.
I am deciding to touch the backpack and find out that its material feels good. Surely it is just as afraid of me as I am of it. And we both just want to spend a good time together. And we like each other, because I love orange and it loves adventures! Okey, this is going to work out with the two of us. I have made a decision. The backpack will stay. I'll take it with me on my journey. Hooray, this will be a covenant for life!
Today, there are exactly 40 days left until my departure to India on Monday, June 26th, 2023. I have bought a one-way ticket from Zurich to Bangalore and will start on June 26th at 9:00 am into one of the greatest adventures of my life.
I'm doing a Sabbatical ...
and I will be released from all my duties for 12 months without pay from my employer Hilti AG. I am leaving behind my well-paid job as a Human Resources Business Partner, I am renting out my luxurious 100m22 apartment in Switzerland to a stranger and from now on, above all, I am one thing: FREE.
Why did I do that?
The answer to this question consists of thousands of individual parts, thousands of facets, thousands of moments, thousands of thoughts, thousands of small decisions, which together result in a total work of art. This work of art perhaps would bear the title "Awakening" and consist of an exploding orange color powder that slams with full force onto a huge blue canvas.
To phrase it more clearly: Now it is time to take seriously my wildness and craziness and uniqueness, which slumbers in me and is about to awaken, and like a loving mother give it the space to unfold. I've always been different from most people, I've always felt that somehow. I was the outsider, the unpopular one, the nerd, the lonely, the funny, the world traveler, the quiet one, the beautiful, the shy, the uncertain, the special, the misunderstood, the stubborn, the overlooked, the sad, the blessed, the chosen one... but despite all the contradictions, I lived a life that was just as unimaginative as the lives of many others.
Now I recognize: this predetermined life does not suit me at all!
It's damn high time to distinguish myself from the mainstream and hunt all conformity to hell and ask myself, what is MY life plan, what are MY wishes and MY dreams and who the hell AM I? I no longer need orientation on the paths of others, I need a clearer orientation on myself!
Yes, yes, I'm calming down again... this life-changing phase is quite emotional ... so this journey, so much is certain, is a journey to myself and it will be wild and painful and crazy and lively, it will be loud and exotic and intense and colorful… and where could you do this better than in India, the country of ancient wisdom and lots of contradictions.
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