Living with an Indian family for 10 days: How to put this adventure into words?
How many words will I need to describe the apartment authentically so that you, dear readers, can also smell the cardamom scent of the fragrant dishes that are spread in various aluminum pots over the white-grey tiled floor when all family members sit down to eat there three times a day?
How many words will I need to describe how heavenly cool air from the AC can feel on your skin at night when 4 people plus Teddy the dog are sleeping on coconut mats on the floor in one single room with 28°C outside temperature?
How many words will I need to describe the beauty of the people surrounding me here, the long black curly hair of Shamili and Durga, the beautifully bright green colour of mother Jothi's sari blouse and the brown skin of her delicate neck, which is visible due to the deep back neckline of her Sari blouse?
How many words will I need to describe father Govindaraj's long white lunghi skirt that elegantly wraps around his long legs, which looks quite funny with his bare potbelly in the morning?
Describing all these thousands and thousands of puzzle pieces of my impressions in words is almost impossible, I just realised. Here we simply reach the limits of what words can express. These secrets will only be revealed in full to those who are given the precious gift of being invited to live in this family. And yet I will try to make an attempt and take you onto this journey with pictures and some reflections.
Basic rule #1 in Indian families: Zero privacy
One of the most characteristic features in Indian families is the following inescapable law that everyone has to accept very quickly: There is zero privacy 😀😀 Over the course of 10 days, I quickly learn that the only privacy you have in the midst of an Indian family is when you lock the door behind you in the bathroom and, if things go well, have 5 minutes of peace and quiet there.
After my arrival in the Govindaraj family's 3-room apartment, which is located in a yellow three-storey apartment building in a side street near Tiruvanmiyur beach in Chennai, Durga's explanation of the sleeping situation for the next 10 days made it straight into the category of cultural shock 😁:
Durga and I are standing in an adjoining room, which is separated from the living room by an own door. There's a lovely wooden bed in this room and a thick quilt rolled out on the floor on the opposite wall. Durga bought it especially for me so that I would feel comfortable. Based on my habits as a European, I conclude that this must be the guest room. I assume that the quilt will be put on the bed and I will then sleep in the wooden bed. Alone. Just me, the bed, the quilt, the 2 wardrobes and the small desk in this room. In oder to doublecheck my dead-sure assumption assuming I now can unpack my backpack right here and make myself comfortable, I ask Durga if I'm going to sleep in the wooden bed. Casually, Durga replies: "No, my father sleeps in that bed".
I am laughing because this answer does not fit at all into my catalog of expected answers and I frown in irritation. I'm sure I didn't ask my question clearly, so I ask Durga what exactly she means. It also possible that she's pulling my leg, maybe it's an Indian sense of humour that I don't know yet. In any case, those are the only two logical explanations, my brain concludes.
How to sleep in India: a step-by-step guide for foreigners
Durga is beaming at me, the joy of my arrival is still written all over her face which is really touching. She leans under the bed and pulls out a light brown coconut mat. She places the mat between the wooden bed and the quilt and explains to me with large hand gestures: "This is where my father sleeps (she points to the wooden bed), this is where Shamili and my mother sleep (she points twice to the coconut mat) and this is where you sleep (she points to the quilt). This is the only room in the apartment with air conditioning." I suddenly realize the significance of this unexpected information and laugh hysterically. Durga is not joking. I can see that in her face. She adds: "Teddy sleeps with you too. Only I sleep in a different room because I get up at 3:30 in the morning to meditate and don't want to disturb anyone."
I make a wry smile and a series of agitated thoughts are flashing through my mind: I can't believe the family is sleeping on the floor. On a thin coconut mat on the cold, hard tiled floor. That's totally uncomfortable. I also can't believe that it is reserved for the father to sleep on the only bed, while all the women have to sleep on the floor at his feet. This is a strongly patriarchal family order and I find the idea quite unbearable. This is not at all what I had in mind. I want my own room!
The practical test
Let's fast-forward the story: I decide to give the whole set-up a chance, after all, I'm here to broaden my cultural horizon. I want to test the whole thing for at least one night and evaluate the next morning where the experience lands on a scale from 0 to 10 (0 extremely unbearable, I need a hotel) and ten (I would prefer to sleep like this for the rest of my life).
The next morning, I wake up and I am surprised: I actually slept well, the room was as quiet as a mouse despite all the people and the dog, no one was snoring, the single fart from Govinderaj in the middle of the night was bearable, and I am extremely grateful for the air conditioning - and the quilt is really super comfortable. I am giving the experience a surprising 5!
In the course of the week, Shamili tells me that she used to be the person who slept on the wooden bed for a while in the past, but because she developed back pain, she now prefers to sleep on the floor and her pain has disappeared since. This happened even on the advice of their doctor. Over the course of the week, we visit some relatives and acquaintances of the family in the neighborhood and I am amazed to see that all the families have exactly the same set-up when it comes to sleeping: the whole family sleeps in a single room on coconut mats, only one bed is at the side and apart from the wardrobe, there is no furniture as the tiled floor fills up with people at night. I have to say, in Indian families you really shouldn't have any fear of contact (or place too much value on privacy) 😉.
Conclusions:
It's good to have a scale on which you can rate new experiences and use this scale to prevent premature defensive reactions, especially when you are about to get to know foreign cultures
Privacy is a priviledge
Just because I take something for granted it doesn't mean that other people on this planet take it for granted too
I like the closeness that a family shares when the family members sleep together, for example when Shamili's arm wanders over to me at night or when she stroked my hand before falling asleep
It's touching to sleep in a room full of cherished people, to hear their breathing, to feel their trust and see how they surrender to each other so vulnerably. It is a gift to be part of this.
I spent 10 days with an Indian family in Chennai, in the state of Tamil Nadu. We just have finished trying on my new Sari for the 9-day Hindu festival Navaratri as I sit down on the coconut mat on the pleasantly cool tiled floor to write this article. We have chosen the dazzling pink and orange Sari with the bright green blouse that I will be wearing tomorrow, complete with petticoat and jewelery. The Sari belongs to mother Jothi and she is so kind to borrow me her pretty garment.
Navaratri is celebrated throughout India for 9 days in honor of the Divine Mother Durga. Each day, a different deity is worshipped and tomorrow night, we will go out and visit neighbours and friends of the family. The room I'm sitting in was just filled with boisterous laughter, thousands of colorful Sari fabrics were lying on the floor, Jodhi was sitting in front of the open closet energetically selecting blouses for me to try on and her daughters Shamili (28 years) and Durga (33 years) were loudly voicing their opinions in an exuberant mood. I love these moments.
But let's start from the beginning...
Who are these people in whose midst I am allowed to live for 10 days? Who are these people who accepted me like a family member and welcomed me as a guest in their 3-room apartment on the coast of the megacity Chennai (India's 6th largest city, more than 12 million inhabitants)? It all began like this: From September 6th -15th 2023, I was guest at at the Temple of Consciousness in Aliyar attending 3 extraordinarily interesting courses, Kundalini Awakening Foundation Course and Introspection 1 & Introspection 2. One day during lunch, a lively young Indian woman called Shamili decided to sit next to me and hasn't let me out of her sight since that encounter; every time we crossed paths on the campus, she called out to me in her bright, cheerful voice, waved at me and came up to me, hugged me and accompanied me a bit on the way. And then, one day, it was myself who waved cheerfully at her from the window of the 1st floor of the Training Center and loudly drawing her attention to me as she walked past the building to exchange a hearty laugh with her. In this moment, I realised that she had won my heart and we have become friends.
I love the warmth of Indian women
The warmth of Indian women, I find, is of enormously touching quality and a source of huge joy. Physical contact plays a major role in every encounter, hands automatically find each other and fingers are interlocked, kisses are kissed on the cheek and a lot of closeness is given in mutual exchange; I have observed many Indian women from young to old age walking down the street holding hands because they enjoy their togetherness in that moment and they are defying together whatever may come their way. I love this form of human connection. I must have been Indian in a previous life because I like this way of connecting so very much... or maybe it has always been part of human DNA until we moved further and further away from the original behaviour of mammals. Today, the natural need for physical contact and its healthy hormonal side effects (release of oxytocin and serotonin) often has been pushed so far out of our (European) society that we have ended up in isolation. Less and less we are able to feel and make ourselves be felt. Loneliness and social disorders such as depression are the consequences and are nowadays a global phenomenon.
In any case, I really like the Indian way of connecting to women and Shamili took my heart by storm with her welcoming and cheerful manner. The same day she finished her course and took the plane back to Chennai, her sister Durga flew in from Chennai for another course. That's how I met Durga, which was the second extraordinary encounter with this special Indian family.
Durga was taking part in a "Moanam" course, which means that she was obliged to remain silent for the entire duration of her stay. We got to know each other in a way that is truly unusual: I talked to her and she replied by nodding or shaking her head or typing her answers into our Whatsapp chat when we totally did not have a clue what the other one was saying 😆 It must have looked very funny to see me talking vividly to her over lunch and Durga listening to me in silence and then typing answers into her phone. We had amazingly deep conversations this way and also developed a deep connection to each other. Durga is a beautiful and sensitive woman and we agreed on many fundamental views in life.
When we said goodbye at the Temple of Consciousness, Durga invited me to her home in Chennai, where she lives with Shamilie, her parents and the little white Spitz Teddy. After the course, we initially scattered into all directions, the sisters back to Chennai and myself to Sri Lanka. A few days later, I received these touching words from Durga:
“Our friendship happened only in a few days, but I will cherish it forever. Please try your best to come visit us in Chennai.”
If there is one blog article that really belongs into the category "Crazy Fun Shit", it's this one 😆 I would like to report on my experiences with the so-called "Cathartic Meditation", which is practiced in the Meditation & Silence Retreat of the Nisala Foundation and Center for Energy and Consciousness Studies in Sri Lanka, Udadumbara. Caution: This is only something for people with strong nerves, so much has to be said in advance.
How did it all start?
At breakfast in the Wild Child Cafe in Tiruvannamalai, Aaron, a traveler in search of the meaning of life like me, tells me that he experienced catharsis during a meditation retreat. The special thing about the retreat was that you had to shout out your frustration as a group against a wall for 15 minutes. Just to let you know, because I also had to google it: Catharsis is an ancient Greek word meaning "purification". In psychology, it refers to the process of freeing oneself from psychological conflicts and internal tensions through emotional reaction. As a result, suppressed feelings lose their disturbing effect, as they can be freely expressed and acted out. So far so good - I already was extremely interested in the whole thing!
5 weeks later, I am sitting in the meditation hall of the Cathartic Meditation Retreat in Sri Lanka and am looking forward to my very own personal catharsis. Before the cathartic meditation rounds begin on day 3 of 4 days in total, we first receive an introduction to Shoonya Meditation on day 1 & 2. This is a Buddhist form of meditation that cultivates how to neutrally observe your own thoughts from a "Witnessing Consciousness". The aim: you get out of energy-consuming dynamics of inner spirals of thought. In other words: instead of racking your brain over things, drifting off into lengthy evaluative pondering or losing yourself in stirring emotions, in Shoonya state you take one step back and look at yourself from a bird's eye view. In this state, there are no more thoughts and devaluations; this state is pure objective awareness and freedom.
Shoonya Meditation - perceiving the world as a neutral witness
Our meditation teacher Ancharin explains the Shoonya state to us using an example: he places a white cup on the table in front of him and asks: "What can you see?" We answer that we see a white cup and Ancharin asks us how we know that. We answer that it is a white cup because it looks like a cup and the color is white. He asks us who said that cups look like this and how we know that the color is white. These questions go on for a while until we don't know anything anymore and doubt whether the object in front of him is really a cup at all 😆 At this point, Ancharin stops and becomes quiet. "Exactly," he says, "we classify everything we see into mentally constructed categories of description and evaluation. But what we can really perceive here is only an accumulation of energy in a condensed form." With Shoonya, we train non-judgemental perception and thus bring a healing distance between ourselves and our thoughts. "You need to remove yourself to see the ultimate consciousness," he says with a slightly diabolical and yet charming smile and that's exactly what we now practice for 17 hours a day in the form of sitting and walking meditations.
Day 3. I'm ready. The catharsis can begin.
We are taken to the building especially built for cathartic meditations on the hill of the site. It is soundproof. It has high walls. There are only windows below the roof. What happens in here shall stay inside. First, we do a meditation, then everyone gets up, looks for a place in front of the wall and Ancharin gives the signal with a strict voice: "Now everyone shout and cry!" What happens next is beyond everything I have ever experienced. 30 people begin to shout out the deepest pain of their life, people around me break down in tears and lie writhing and sobbing on the floor. I hear shrill screams of deepest despair from women that sound like screams of tortured baby voices that go through your bones. At the same time, I am roaring myself and experience how issues suddenly pop to the surface from my subconscious, like small balloons that I am unsuccessfully trying to push under water. Memories shoot into my head and bring tears to my eyes; a movie plays before my eyes consisting of the faces of people, from earliest childhood to the present, who hurt me deeply, made me small, bitched about me, or still stand in my way. I yell at these people, I am yelling at them, I am yelling at them, yes, I am yelling at them from the depths of my soul.
Anger that bursts like balloons
This process is repeated 3 times during the day. It's bizarre, but with each round my heart gets lighter. It is as if balloons are pushing to the water surface and I finally stop pressing them down, and in this very moment they pick up full speed, shoot out of the water and then simply burst in the air! What remains is space, so much more space. At the end of the day, we conclude with a round of laughter, which is truly a bizarre way to end the whole thing. Everyone laughs for 15 minutes and the room is filled with sounds ranging from hearty to extremely hysterical laughter. After an 18-hour day, I fall into bed dead tired. I have rarely experienced anything crazier in my life. But crazy is good, because it shifts things into a new place. That's a good thing.
A truly crazy approach...
Looking back, I can say that this meditation retreat was certainly one of the craziest approaches I have experimented with so far on my personal path towards enlightenment. It is a brutal, but indeed extremely effective method and I am grateful that I was able to have made this experience. Interestingly, my digestion was regulated after the retreat, which until then I could only keep in balance with the intake of Ayurvedic medication. For me, a sign that a cleansing has taken place in the biological body, starting from the mental and energetic body. Therefore, my recommendation to everyone who is open to a good dose of crayz, fun Shit 😀
There is a place in India that bears the beautiful name "School of Rising Knowledge". I love that Shantha gave her school this name.
There is a place in India where a courageous woman named Shantha built a school from her own strength on a piece of land full of palm trees, and today is the lighthouse for the people at this school with her visionary spirit.
There is a place in India where five wonderful Indian women form a leadership team and together they run this school with enormous strength, kindness, openness, willingness to make sacrifices, friendship, humor and competence.
There is a place in India where students are guided to become the best version of themselves.
There is a place in India where every single child is encouraged to develop a deep love for themselves and also for others in order to be successful and happy in a rapidly changing global community.
There is a place in India where yoga is a subject at school so that students can grow up healthily and mindfully.
There is a place in India that I like very much.
This place is called Vishwa Sishyha Vidyodaya School.
You can find this place in Pollachi, near Coimbature, and Shantha Kalingarayar has created it.
Under "About Us" and "Mission & Values" you can read on the school's website what I wrote above (link to the website).
So, who exactly is this person that created this place?
It takes a lot of courage and determination as an Indian woman in a patriarchal culture to defy all resistance in order to realize the foundation of a school so that it can become a good home for her own child and for many other children. Shantha Kalingarayar, with her excellent observation skills and her unmistakable sense of talent, has gathered people around herself bringing her school to life and making it a place of high-level education. In addition, it also requires an enormous amount of intelligence and mental strength to successfully run this place since many years (and meanwhile three other schools as well), in the midst of an environment full of corruption and obstacles.
I got to know this extraordinary woman, Shantha Kalingarayar, as a woman whose character is shaped by generosity and openness. When traveling, she does not buy the usual souvenirs as memories, but small trees that are planted on the school premises. The core of her being can be seen on this picture: love and warmth in abundance.
Thank you Shantha for opening the doors to your school, your house, your life, your thoughts and to your heart for me.
Thank you Shantha for recognizing and promoting my talents and offering me the opportunity to get in touch with 300 of your students and giving a speech about why I came to India.
Thank you Shantha for giving me the most beautiful farewell of my life with your words: "Salome, I love you and I love you and I love you."
I wish that people will learn about your inspiring work far beyond the boarders of your school and I hope to contribute to this aim with this article.
From September 5th - 16th 2023, I was student at the Temple of Consciousness in Aliyar, near Coimbature in the southern Indian state Tamil Nadu. There really a place exists called "Temple of Consciousness". Is this not AWESOME?
A Temple of Consciousness.
A place where consciousness (!) is taught.
A place where everyone has understood that consciousness is THE CENTRAL CORE in life and that it is the degree of consciousness only that determines how happy and free you are.
Thus, a place that is attracting me as strong as a 10-ton magnet.
When I heard from Ananthi in the Ayurveda Retreat that there is such a place (my infinite thanks to you for this hint!), it was clear that I ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY must travel there.
The temple was founded by Shri Vethathiri Maharishi (1911–2006), spiritual leader and founder of the "World Community Service Centre". The main goal of the center is to achieve world peace through individual peace. WOW! He also created a college for Yoga. You can do a B.Sc or M.Sc in SKY Yoga (SKY = Simplified Kundalini Yoga). On the following picture you can see Vethathiri (I think he looks pretty funny with his horn glasses and disheveled hair):
He was the son of a poor family of weavers, he learned to read and write on his own and had many different jobs in his life (textile entrepreneur, government agent, Ayurveda doctor). On January 9th, 1975, he gave an awesome speech in New York, USA, to the UN with the demand that peace in the world can only arise if mankind creates a value-based society through spiritual maturation: “The development of spiritual knowledge only will enable mankind to share all the needs [food, shelter, clothes] with love, respect and responsibility.”
You can attend various courses in the Tempel of Consciousness; the basic course for beginners is very suitable to start with and includes content such as Stress Management, Kundalini Meditation, Nutrition and breathing techniques. You will do many practical exercises and start and finish every day with SKY Yoga. A real anti-aging elexir! Also available as online course (link to the online course).
Introspektion I-III
In the Introspection courses you learn Purpose & Philosophy of life, Mind Management (Analysis of thoughts, Neutralization of anger), Blessings & Wave theory or Who am I. Numerous meditation techniques are taught, such as Agna or Thuriam meditation. Different speakers from all over India make the program very colorful and versatile and there are many opportunities to ask questions. A highly recommended program, also available as online course (link to the online course).
Books by Vethathiri Maharishi
One of my favourite places in the Temple of Consciousness was the library. There you can stick your nose into fantastic books and magazines. There is a great children's book series "Value Education for Health, Happiness and Harmony" (also suitable for adults 😉), where important topics such as love & compassion, relaxation, beauty of nature, healthy food and much more are explained in simple words. Here is the table of contents from Standard V:
At the old age of 87, Vethathiri has published the 1st Edition of the book "Logical Solutions for the Problems of Humanity" (2022). The book contains the entire life experience and wisdom of Vethathiri, a person who can be called a luminous figure (or perhaps even an enlightened figure). This is his summary on page 93:
“Now the time has come for mankind to understand the Values of Nature, Society and Self and live happily and peacefully. The world is one and all a born, live and die on the same earth. There is only one sun by which all life is made and maintained. […] All people are conceived and nurtured only by women. In every male female birth both genetic values are intertwined. What is the reason for dividing the people into groups by the concepts of religion, caste or race? All are arbitrary and prejudiced distinctions. […]
By turning the mind inward everyone will attain enlightenment. […] With all my experience of life from 87 years I have found the truth that as a human being I am a unit of the world community and a product of the Divine Nature. I request the reader to neglect the unacceptable points [in this book] and hope he may make use of the ideas he finds to be creative and worthy. I wish to share happiness with all of you, my dear friends.“
Let these words sink into your heart. We are all one, we are all connected, we are all part of nature, we are nature itself. This simple and profound realization is the key to a peaceful future on this earth.
A catchy tune: The World Peace Song!
Vethathiri initiated the recording of a song called the World Peace song by a singer in the local language Tamil; the song is played every day at the end of the meditations. The cheerful rhythm is highly contagious with an ecstatic finish and my toes always wiggle when I hear the song. In the video you can also see some pictures of the Temple of Consciousness.
(that's what they always say in the Temple of Consciousness instead of Hello & Good Bye and it means "Be blessed by the Divine and live happily and in prosperity")
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